Shrooms. Is this getting any less taboo to talk about yet? No? Oh well lol.

While magic mushrooms in Bali (or anywhere else lol) can absolutely just be a good time, and you’re almost guaranteed to laugh quite a bit, they can also be healing and therapeutic. Hear me out.

My last trip was sooo full of releasing shit (trauma, fear, anxiety) that so badly needed to be released that a month later when I was Bali, I was seeking more. And what I found is Bali’s go-to party island, Gili Trawangan (though you won’t hear many people call it that but rather the short and sweet nickname, Gili T).

Before I get to the good stuff, let me just say that Gili T was amazing! Their main street, along the coast, looped around nearly the whole island. We got scooters and confirmed this as we drove around through the busiest side of the island (tons of bars, restaurants, hookah lounges, tattoo parlors, dive companies), to the more luxurious (and secluded) resort accommodations side. There was even an outdoor, bean bags on the beach, movie theatre with a different classic showing each night.

We did however get to some ‘sketchy’ roads. We didn’t feel unsafe at all, even in the dark by this time as we started at sunset, but our bikes really weren’t happy about the sand and rocky roads – locals had to help us out at a couple spots even.

Ok. The shrooms.

There were several places you could openly buy shroom shakes! I definitely have a particular recommendation, shoot me an Insta message and I’ll share it – https://www.instagram.com/chubby.girl.travels/

We partook two nights. The first night was fairly mellow, lots of laughs sitting on a random sidewalk just people watching, and then walking down the street as far as we could to see what there was to see, including a stop for some dancing (more my friend than I – I’m not the dancer lol). Ok all good. Just felt so much peace and gratitude too.

But the third/final night we were there. Wooh. Ok let’s get into this. Maybe some might call it a bad trip – I’m not sure. Even though it was a little painful, perhaps, it was super healing/releasing. So it actually felt good, not bad. But not everyone is into or open to this level of healing so I can see how not everyone would feel so warm and bubbly about it.

But here goes. The plan was to drink the shakes and a couple hours later, join the Gili T pub crawl that we had seen advertised heavily all over the island. It started out OK. But I couldn’t really drink (no desire to drink after shrooms myself, like zero lol). And this crawl had rules. It actually felt quite constricting for me. Like a herd walking down the street, all crouching down when the leader yelled ‘Ozzy’ (or some such word), the last of whom did so having to slam their drink.

Ok I mean – if I was looking to get sloshed, I’m sure this all would have been a great time (it was very well organized and thought out, down to the smallest and largest details). The issue was just that it wasn’t what my soul was craving. I kinda knew it before heading out, but I wanted to make it work. We walked on to the next bar, which was sooooo crowded it gave my anxiety anxiety. And again, sober or drinking, I’m sure I would have been just fine. But the mushrooms were calling me to seek solace.

I left my friend (who was having a blast, dancing as she does) and made the long trek back to our room. Once there, I peeled off my clothes (dripping with sweat) and collapsed onto the bed, tears and heavy breaths immediately erupting out of me. It was seriously intense. And I can’t tell you exactly what was behind the tears, but what kept coming to me is ‘why is it so hard to be true to who you are? why is it so hard to honor your needs? why is it so hard to put yourself first? why is it so hard to just love yourself, exactly as you are, even (or especially) the differences?’

Really, it felt like years of trying to conform, to contain myself, to deny myself, to shame myself was being released. And no wonder it was so intense. But while the fit raged for a good half hour at least, it felt as amazing as it did painful the entire time. Like I was finally listening. Like I finally felt heard. Like I felt held. When I did finally figure out how to self-sooth myself down to a mild wimper, I also realized that not only was I not letting myself in, but I wasn’t doing particularly well at letting others in either. I was reminded, though, at this moment, of just how many people truly do love and support me. Even despite my often fairly cool exterior.

Anyway. That’s it. Honestly I’m just sharing because I know I’m not the only one dealing with inner turmoil and trauma and working hard to heal. Sometimes I even feel ashamed about that too. Like yeah I’d rather be sitting alone in a hotel in Bali bawling my soul out than out drinking and dancing. Is that weird? It must be weird. But I’m not ashamed of that, actually. And it’s not weird. I’m proud of myself for choosing me that night. And this is just step one towards learning how to continue to choose me, unashamedly.

I even booked a puppy cuddling session in a week here. An Airbnb experience that intrigued me the moment I saw it (cuddling puppies on the beach for a good cause too), but for some reason I held back. Because isn’t that weird? But so the f*ck what? I love dogs. I miss my own so much while traveling too. And I know I will love the heck out of cuddling with these pups. So why wouldn’t I say yes to that? Why wouldn’t I say yes to me? Well because, as I’ve learned here, saying yes to myself doesn’t always come easily or naturally. But today is as good a day as any to get some practice in.

The verdict on Gili T??

Honestly, go!!! I could see going again even if I didn’t even go to any other parts of Bali, even if there were no shrooms. And I promise you, there is something there for everyone (unless you are just a total stick in the mud lmao). Just don’t forget to confirm your ferry ride back to the main land the day before you leave (like we forgot, you literally have to confirm, but we weren’t even mad to stay another day)! About those ferry rides though, oy. Just focus on the prize on the way there, and on the way home just try to nap man (it’s a long wait, the ferries are often late, they are jam packed, the trip is about 2 hours — maybe longer on the way back due to extra stops). But ferry issues aside, go!!!!!

PS: we stayed at Pesona Beach Resort and the Beach House Resort while we were here and I recommend both! Both are great for location (if you do want to be in the thick of it all, and close to the ferry harbor and the shrooms haha), and each had multiple pools (one more private), yummy eats, hookah and you can order drinks at the main pools. The Beach House had an actual in pool bar, and was a little bit more ‘posh’ in feel (not too posh though). The Pesona Beach was a bit more laid back vibes, and had a dive company right on site (and two different menus, serving indian fare at night)!